I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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