You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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