don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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