TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
