I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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