it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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