I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
