We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
