I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
We need to rekindle our bromance
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
