That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
