Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i wish my penis had a tongue
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You're like the curious george of whores
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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