Did you just see the Batmobile???
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
