Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
