We won't sleep together?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
