guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize