I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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