So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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