She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
