Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
