You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Small penises have feelings too.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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