I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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