i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
