Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
