I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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