Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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