In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
