i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
