and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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