hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
