not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
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I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
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I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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