he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
