Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so let's talk penis.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
