I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
