it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
