I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
