I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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