im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She told me I should be a condom model.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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