The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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