margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
