you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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