the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
