hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
