I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
