:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
