I swear she didn't look like that last week.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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