i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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