Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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