I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
