so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
