Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
