Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
