Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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