I wanna bring you to show and tell
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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