found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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