Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
