so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
