So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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