so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
