Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
