the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
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He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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