my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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