watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
