chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
