So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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