After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
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I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
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Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
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