he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
